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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
12:46 pm - falling
the leaves are falling fast and leaving all the trees an ugly, barren grey.

Im restless. sitting tirelessly, pressing my cheek against the rain stained windows.

there's a chalky film that opaques my view.

***

I wonder when I'll find my way,

leave this heavy emptiness behind. swing life away.

windchapped lips. damaged soul. fragments of empty air.

***

I'm experimenting and experiencing. life. today.

take it to another level. move aside, move away.

leave me be. for I'm on my way.
ride my wave
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
8:30 pm - breathing ashes
my gray jacket smells like cigarettes
from the usual pack of parliaments he smokes

and I always want to steal a drag,
but too superficial to have yellow teeth,
and so I just sit
inhaling the secondary,
watching the little nicotine clouds float into the air,
as he cuts the match and lights another.

//breathe.

current mood: calm
2 comments | ride my wave
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
10:07 pm - funny thanksgiving conversation.
kilikina82 (10:41:01 AM): how do u have your yams
losthuh (10:41:07 AM): candied
kilikina82 (10:41:11 AM): yah i know, but w/ marshmallows? or w/o
losthuh (10:41:17 AM): with syrup, brown sugar. marsh
kilikina82 (10:41:24 AM): mmm. yah us too. but minus marshies
losthuh (10:41:32 AM): what?
kilikina82 (10:41:40 AM): NO MARSHIES
losthuh (10:41:42 AM): weirdos!
kilikina82 (10:41:46 AM): SHUT UP- everyone has their own individual t-dinners!
losthuh (10:41:57 AM): do u eat pumpkin pie w/o the crust too?
losthuh (10:41:58 AM): haha
kilikina82 (10:42:05 AM): hahahahhahaha
kilikina82 (10:42:10 AM): loser.
kilikina82 (10:42:27 AM): man i have refugees as parents
kilikina82 (10:42:29 AM): give me a break
losthuh (10:42:43 AM): how big of a turkey does your momma usually buy
losthuh (10:42:49 AM): refugees
losthuh (10:42:50 AM): lol
kilikina82 (10:43:02 AM): hahaha
kilikina82 (10:43:08 AM): err, i dunno
kilikina82 (10:43:16 AM): does 18 lbs seem too big?
kilikina82 (10:43:19 AM): cuz i think thats it
losthuh (10:43:20 AM): no. haha
losthuh (10:43:26 AM): ours is usually 23-25 pounds
kilikina82 (10:43:28 AM): ahh, ok, yah
kilikina82 (10:43:33 AM): so i think its around 18
losthuh (10:43:45 AM): thats a lot of cock
kilikina82 (10:43:46 AM): is brother bobby coming home
kilikina82 (10:43:49 AM): HAHAHAH
losthuh (10:43:49 AM): or is that a rooster?
kilikina82 (10:43:57 AM): a rooster is a cock
kilikina82 (10:44:00 AM): u're just perverted
losthuh (10:44:10 AM): yes, bobby is cumming home
kilikina82 (10:44:48 AM): hahaha
kilikina82 (10:44:49 AM): dude
kilikina82 (10:44:51 AM): u never change

current mood: amused
ride my wave
Sunday, November 21st, 2004
5:44 pm - swing life away.
I chased a field of bunnies with the boy last night.

current mood: amused
1 comment | ride my wave
Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
1:49 pm - funnystory.
so last week, Moose sends me this postcard from Europe that says "I enjoint Amsterdam" and there's a picture of some chick smoking a joint. on the back, she writes, "saw this postcard. made me think of you." and seeing that postcards aren't undisclosed messages, my mom reads it and goes, "Christina, what does she mean by - 'it made me think of you' - do you smoke marajuana?!"

me: "dude, mama, you have alzheimer's. I already told you a few months ago, I smoked out once in a while."
mama: "you said you smoked out. I thought you meant cigarettes, not marajuana!"
me: "same difference. I don't smoke it anymore"

three hours later, she goes to my brother to tell him.

mama: "did you know your sister smoked weed in college?"
bro: "yah, so did I"
mama: "what?!?"
bro: "whatever, mom, you know you toked a joint when you were younger."
mama: "yahhh, but I didn't like it, so I only did it once. your sister did it a lot!"
bro: "yah, okaaaaay."

current mood: awake
7 comments | ride my wave
Monday, November 8th, 2004
1:56 pm - bored.
Im at work right now. Im pretty freaking bored. I can't wait until it's 5:30, then I get to run to the Art Store and pick up canvas, so I can poorly paint a piece for my room and pretend I'm the artist that Im not.

this weekend, I used a chisel and hammer to punch in all the protruding nails along the moulding, then I filled the holes in with putty. Tonight I'm going to re-paint it all white. and tomorrow I'm going to Home Depot to pick up a 7x15 inch of plexi-glass to start my next project. yay.

free food in the kitchen. gotta go eat.

current mood: bored
2 comments | ride my wave
10:54 am - no meaning.
::helmets, elbowpads and kneepads must be worn properly at all times::

my life has become starkly different than my original projected idea of life at this age. I feel like I'm staring into that street sign that displays the two-way arrow. the one that lets you know that while you may want to turn right, you always have the equal option to turn left. and though you may want to turn backwards, reversing is never an option. no u-turns, today. the arrow only points two ways, and though I wanted to take a left this time, I turned right

and now I am here.

I have my helmet, I have my elbowpads, my kneepads are on. and I'm ready for the impact of this road to knock the living shit out of me, paralyze my body, and stop the circular thoughts of normalcy and self-deprication. you'd be suprised at how stability produces an amazing, unexpected feeling of numbing stagnancy. I can see why all those rich girls I used to go to school with snorted cocaine in the library and passed weed during Ms. Maisterra's world history class. to feel something. imagine, I used to smoke weed to feel nothing. I dont want to do drugs though. I dont have any. so I'm left with sitting in front of my blank canvas, my empty notebooks, and a screen with a blinking cursor waiting to be moved. my muse has left me, along with all the other bastards I shoeboxed and left buried in that dingy, run-down apartment on federal.

if I tell you a secret, will you keep it for me? I'm playing with your mind, if you didn't already know. and I'm sorry for that, but it's my turn to play [, so I justify]. it's all a game now. it's all a play. and I'm the puppeteer. but you dont know who you are, so dont think it's you. that's my secret - Im not supposed to tell.

I'm no longer on the right road, or the left. I'm driving down this foggy, endless road where the street signs only exist as confusing messages of never-ending options: two-way arrows, circular paths, no stopping at any time. you can smell the rain-drenched asphalt and the end-of-fall-time manure on every other garden. I bury my nose in the smell of my sweater. I feel like Im walking through the set of garden_state with the shins playing on repeat. lyrics flow in and out my head as I walk through the rain.

nine to five.

five to nine.

nine to nine.

current mood: bored
5 comments | ride my wave
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
4:31 pm - pretty amused.
my company just bought pumpkins for everyone.

current mood: amused
ride my wave
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
12:36 pm - i.luv.rain.
update_life.

so I'm officially post-collegiate. and living back with the padres in good 'ole fobby sangabriel.... where life isn't too bad. I haven't updated in a while because well, my life is pretty simple and normal these days. no more lyrical regurgitations b/c not much to vent about.

I have a little "studio" of my own (detached from the main house) that my dad built and that Im currently decorating city_soho style. Im graciously enjoying rent_gratis, and saving up to pay off some hefty loans. I replaced jalopy a couple of weeks ago with another used car, that well, has four functional doors and a trunk that actually stays open, a radio (senza cd_player) and an interior that doesnt reek of old cigerattes and rain_moldy seats. so it's all good. and while, it's no mini_cooper, it's definitely no junky '88 "it has character" sloppy jalopy. but, due respects. you served me well, jalop... and you will be missed. the stories are legendary.

anyway, so, my job is like an extended version of CLICC. unchallenging, at times brain-numbing, and an encouragment to ... umm find something that stimulates my now staling_brain. err, something where I definitely feel that my 20,000 dollar college loan and the 20/hr work weeks weren't wasted investments. but I'm not complaining. Im totally grateful that I got this job, because I really love the people and it's a semi-stepping stone. keyword.semi.

[.Im eating purple grapes and mini cherry tomatoes.mmm]

life seems pretty simple right now. I miss living in the apartments a lot. and I miss my girls. it'll be interesting to see where we all are in a few years.

so that is it.
life_updated.

peaceout.

current mood: lazy
12 comments | ride my wave
Thursday, September 9th, 2004
2:40 am - damn
Im entirely convinced I have insomnia. dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmit. I CANT SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
4 comments | ride my wave
Saturday, August 21st, 2004
4:39 am - insomnia
I rolled around in bed for three hours tonight and realized that dude, Ive got problems. this happens to me like once every month. I just cant sleep. I drank three cups of chamomile to put myself to bed. I listened to the garden_state cd 3 times. I even tried counting damn sheep, which is the dumbest thing in the world.

pace fuori, buona notte

current mood: awake
2 comments | ride my wave
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
9:20 pm - bridges and roads
ever put so much on your plate that you just lost your appetite?

today Im 22. Im currently in phase "transition" and screaming muted fear. but I didnt want to tell you. because I didnt want you to know. that Im not as strong as you thought I was. that Im not as perfect as you wish... or wanted... me to be.

soon the sun will set, the summer will end, and the bright blues of the sky will melt away. and I will have to begin walking... down a road I dread to drive. down a path without concrete boundaries. and over bridges that threaten to crumble. so, when I follow the lights down that little road, I become cloaked in night's wrath. and I find myself gazing at blurred visions of blues and grays. and wishing they instead bled the ink of african violets or the burnt orange of tuscan soil.

a year ago, I was strolling down venice boulevard with renee, shopping for surfboards, and breathing in the sweet smell of summer. warm sun, herb air, amidst the dancing of musical waves. last october, I was swimming in the tyrhennian sea, bathing in the crystal green waters around the Isle of Capri. and today, I am home.

I am back where it all started. where we all started.

today, I was scheduled to be a superhero, but Im still only a girl. sitting on her swing-set, staring at the stars, waiting for her perfect life to begin, her american dream, her front-yard beach, her loved prince charming.

I dont want your life. I want my fairytale to begin.

current mood: calm
10 comments | ride my wave
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
5:19 pm - my adorable kids!

Me and my buddy Adam

so Ive been helping out at my old school, High Point Academy. these are my adorrrrrrrrable kids. click the link below:

HPA kids!
2 comments | ride my wave
Sunday, July 4th, 2004
7:06 pm - catching up
It's only been two weeks and I feel like I've been out of school for a really long time. blah blah blah blah blah. here are some pics from graduation until now [click on the link below the picture]:


Graduation (LS)


Graduation (English)


At Amy's place


Painting my room


Charlie's wedding


July 4th fireworks


current mood: bouncy
2 comments | ride my wave
Friday, June 18th, 2004
9:52 am - funnies
mark is going to graduation saturday.
on his name_card, he will write:
Mark Ummahsahlanghehchoi

which, cleverly, translates into Mark "I LOVE YOU MOM!" Choi

ha. funny.

current mood: bouncy
ride my wave
7:18 am - me me me
How to make a christina poon
Ingredients:

3 parts friendliness

1 part silliness

1 part beauty
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion


current mood: chipper
2 comments | ride my wave
Thursday, June 17th, 2004
12:04 pm - muahahah
I put up my memorial_sticker at CLICC. haha, it's great. try to find it. ;)

current mood: crazy
1 comment | ride my wave
Monday, June 14th, 2004
11:52 pm - arghs.
I need to get an emotional vaccuum cleaner, so I can just filter out all this icky, not so positive stuff in my head.

coupons. we need to pass out the coupons. and then the props. and then the pleasejuststoptalking labels. because then this play of ours would run smoother and I'd like the characters more.

so Im full of nonsense. and I am currently procrastinating. and now Im going to bed.

current mood: muted emotion
2 comments | ride my wave
11:04 pm - last week's UCR graduation
7 years. time flies...

Judy and Bri's graduation

current mood: nostalgic
ride my wave
12:20 am - 12am::
I hate irony.

current mood: workin@clicc
1 comment | ride my wave
Sunday, June 13th, 2004
6:36 pm - Im bored.
I hate studying for finals. My week sucks. Back-to-back crap to get done.

IM SO EXCITED ABOUT GRADUATION though. and all my favorite people are going to be there, with not one person missing. and I get to dress up in my pretty dress. and I get to turn my tassle from left to right (or is it right to left?). and I get to throw my cap in the air and yell screaming in joy, with cords and flowers hanging all about me, and hopefully balloons (hint hint), many balloons in my hands. oh, the joy. oh, the 2 x 2 hours of pure attention. yay.

back to studying. damn it.

current mood: ecstatic
ride my wave
Thursday, June 10th, 2004
1:35 pm - behhhhhhh.
writing the last paper of my undergraduate_career.

I. am. bored.

current mood: working
ride my wave
Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
10:11 pm - yay!
I got my graduation dress! and it's PRETTY!!

;)

current mood: happy
4 comments | ride my wave
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
12:57 pm - blecky...
that today I am uncertain
that people are cornflakes
that tomorrow I will be uncertain
that my to_do list is longer than my want_to_do list
that Im complaining when I should be rejoicing_
that we're graduating in 1.5 weeks

current mood: cornflaked
3 comments | ride my wave
10:12 am - errr
I hate irresponsible, misinformed people.

current mood: discontent
ride my wave
Friday, June 4th, 2004
7:59 pm - my bed!
sooooo... Im moving out of my apartment and I need to get rid of my lovely twin-sized bed. It's a loft. Bed-frame and all. w/ a spiffy ladder. lemme know if you want it. for FREE.

[peace]

current mood: bouncy
5 comments | ride my wave
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
11:29 pm
okay

current mood: blank
ride my wave
2:59 pm - wwahhhh
OMG. the worst thing in the world is living in a one_bathroom apartment, and having to pee outrageous waterfalls as your roomie takes a 20 minute shower. OMG. unbearable pain. ow. ow

dying_oww.

current mood: hurtin_bladder
2 comments | ride my wave
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
11:34 am - welfare eating is making me sad.
I want:
a steak dinner,
with creamy garlic mashed potatoes,
lightly blanched asparagus,
and A1 sauce, at my mercy.

plllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllease. please. please.

current mood: hungry
15 comments | ride my wave
Monday, May 31st, 2004
7:39 pm - 12hrs
so Ive been here since 2pm and Im gonna be here until 2am. that's a lot of clicc.

current mood: tired
1 comment | ride my wave
3:15 pm - four years. done.
I wish I didnt take my tongue ring out. And Im sad that I cant dye my hair blue. And Im irked that I missed the Jazz/reggae festival. and more irked that I got to work two hours early.

and Im a little nervous about all these changes coming up. and Im nervous about graduating. and sad I dont get to live with my friends and have long conversations with my roommates before falling asleep.

Im already nostalgic about thursdaydinner, surfing at sunset, saladtraying down janns steps, clipping roses on campus at 1am, random outrageous laughter w/ tida, wednesday paychecks, getting coffee from luvalle every morn, and kicking it with cliccy_people.

[deep breath]

okay. no really, Im ready. *cringe*

current mood: nervous
2 comments | ride my wave
Saturday, May 29th, 2004
1:29 pm - boo
i hate political science.
i hate papers.
i hate writing political science papers.

[the end]

current mood: whiny
1 comment | ride my wave
Friday, May 28th, 2004
12:14 pm - blooming_beauty
the jacaranda trees are blooming this month. the entire campus is draped in bright lavender. with little bells of purple petals hanging above my head. Im tired of it being overcast. gray clouds make me sad. =T

we're graduating soon and everyone feels it. Im in danger of failing one of my classes right now. so kristen and I called the department to find out what was the lowest grade we could get for our classes to count as our minor/major. sigh. how embarrassing. unambitious_ lack of priority.

Im close to going over my minutes again, damn it. 750/800. and one week left.

boy asked if I wanted to study together, but I never study w/ anyone; so I said meh_be.

Im craving for a big green apple. but I'd die if I ate it.

and my hand is hurting like hell. and Im darth vader. and ashe made me pay for additional pain.

[the end]

current mood: blank
3 comments | ride my wave
Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
5:44 pm - yikes.
3 more weeks. dude.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

current mood: anxious
ride my wave
Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
10:42 am - night.
mama sent me a harsh email last night. subject: personal attack. a warning. an amalagm of prejudices. of every stereotype you could list. note:: never have older parents. or rather, never have kids at age 40.

I suppose they're just of another generation. we, generation_misunderstood. and Im left to breathe a heavy breath with every misunderstood moment.
_
but. he was perfect. it was perfect. everything I wanted, but not. and I was just not there. un-sparked and too tired to absorb another life into my life.

//F.

current mood: calm
1 comment | ride my wave
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
8:19 pm - desk dream
paper flakes and paletas.

painting my world in colors, without. knotted tension. bleeding breath. I saw the world and it was in my hands. spinning in slow motion, slow enough for people to breathe the colors into their souls. foreign. impressionistic. sighing in exhaustion. faded beauty. faded reality. and then faded away.

I was supposed to show the world in masking taped poems.
show life through my eyes. my breath.
but today I will eat my paper flakes and paletas.
and I will smile knowing that I saved the secrets. from you.

current mood: working
3 comments | ride my wave
2:35 am - ::
_makes me smile.

current mood: blank
2 comments | ride my wave
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
2:21 pm - argh.
ok. wth. no more AIM, no more cell phone, no more tv. FOCUS.

current mood: determined
2 comments | ride my wave
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
8:52 pm - oh beautiful day
Beach Day Last Saturday





click here for more pictures
ride my wave
7:47 am - defect.
you can add, lactose intolerant to the list.

F.
1 comment | ride my wave
Sunday, May 16th, 2004
3:08 pm - oh world, turn
today and tomorrow I will procrastinate. delay the future. hold tension close by. emotion at bay.

my phone bill was 8 pages long. 258 minutes over. I spend too much time talking. less time writing. less time working on what is requisite, what is in wanting. what is in wanting, someone should tell.

I twirl around in pink polkadots on brown mesh. I lay in the sun and absorb the rays until my skin becomes a beachy brown. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

I told him about my dream last night. about how I took power into my own hands. how the anger transformed into violent wrath. and then it was over. dreams are without boundary. life is gated with limits. and I am limited.

existence is only what the eye sees, or what it tricks itself into seeing. non-existence is simplicity. freedom and peace. create what you will, but truths are omnipotent, godly. you must revere.
---------------------
mama made french crepes this morning. with sugared strawberries. sometimes life is amusingly ritz-carlton. //peace

current mood: working
2 comments | ride my wave
Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
3:33 pm - beh
Im hungry.

and I thought the world should know.

current mood: hungry
ride my wave
2:42 pm - ode to poetry
I speak to you today
in my poetry, in my words.

The bleeding thoughts infiltrate in abstraction.
This is my canvas, my artwork, my soul.

Feel the words bleed,
for truth will be told,
for poetry will be forever
and forever will it

bleed

in my veins and to the surface,
and the words shall reign, for
I breathe what I am
I am who you see.

current mood: bored
ride my wave
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
10:15 pm - and so.
exhaustion shouldnt be so... exhausting. Im tired.

current mood: blank
1 comment | ride my wave
Monday, May 10th, 2004
11:13 pm - whine time
10pm-2am shift. Im getting grouchy::

argh.

current mood: groggy
2 comments | ride my wave
Friday, May 7th, 2004
7:40 pm - my IQ.
The Classic IQ Test
Your IQ score is 133

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.

Test::

http://web.tickle.com/tests/uiq/?sid=1597&supp=EM160600b2&test=uiqogt

current mood: tired
ride my wave
1:33 pm - :://
chill.
ride my wave
Thursday, May 6th, 2004
3:54 pm - today
today I will defeat you. I will kick you then bury you deep, down where the words will cut painfully and the soil will suffocate you into isolating misery. my power is in language. my power is in recovered soul. so while the words are slave to me, the world enslaves you. and I will be angry. and I will be mean. because that is not what I am, but what you've made me. you, world. you, whistler.

current mood: working
1 comment | ride my wave
4:08 am - confused and amused
my life is seriously so weird. it's 4am and I just had the oddest conversation with the oddest boy. I think God is trying to insert some amusing, comical relief into my otherwise confusing life. thanks for simple things like oddity.
*
these days, conversations seemed to be themed by night. every dialogue transforms into these odd strings of revelation and renewed appreciation for life. he told me to bleed free like the spirit I am. she told me to eat my cheetos and realize that the world was mine, not theirs. he told me, hell hath no fury like a WHOA-man scorned. and whoa, did that define it well. friends are great.
*
then, the stranger_boy with his strange view on polygamy and modernized, reasoned pimping. seriously, this world just continues to baffle me... into confused amusement.
*
a nice break from tired resignation.

current mood: amused
3 comments | ride my wave
Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
5:12 pm - love actually...
Ed, you're amazing.
* * *

After my last Spring Sing @ UCLA, I headed to Irvine this weekend to watch Cheryl perform, and then met up with my girls from Italy. It was good getting away...

PICTURES_clickhere

current mood: calm
ride my wave
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